| lifeless devil be gone--feel the power of hairspray! |
[06 Jul 2008|09:57pm] |
well, i'm finally back from vacation and, needless to say, i'm not in the least bit happy about it.
it feels like those times when i had long breaks from college and when it was finally time to go back, i got depressed and balked at the whole notion. oh sure, given time, i eventually always fell back into the groove, but this is hitting me pretty hard. technically "vacation" was over days ago--basically, tuesday when we flew back into chicago.
depressed, home sick, and achy i essentially wasted wednesday by holing myself up and watching movies/surfing the net all day in between the occasional crying spell. i just couldn't get myself out of it and rather than run the risk of breaking into tears around people i barely knew--if at all--i just opted to be by myself that day.
but now that i'm back home, i tell myself i hate it here--and i really do. i dread going back to work tomorrow knowing there's probably little to nothing for me to do, just like previous weeks, since it's the slow season for us. with the constant questioning of whether or not the company's ok, even when i do have work i don't have the morale to care. two years later and i also still have nobody to even vaguely hang out with and there's nothing interesting to do and nowhere interesting to go.
coming back reminds me that i need to slog away at updating my resume and until that's done, i can't even try to look for another job somewhere in chicago, instead. i want out of here so badly, but the one thing that eventually can help is currently just holding me back; all i'm doing is fighting it and getting nowhere. if that's not bad enough, just thinking about coordinating interviews and eventually moving and starting a new job, etc... completely overwhelms me. i need another break from it, but that time's passed and i need to quit screwing around.
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