Writer's Block: Phobias
do you have a remarkable phobia? does your phobia have a large impact on your life?

my three primary phobias are as follows:

1. fish. my strangest phobia that i didn't realize until a few years ago when i was in a pet shop. i always knew i hated fish--those creepy unblinking eyes, how they float when they die, etc... it's why i made a point to never keep them as pets. i'm fine in aquariums, especially when there's other people around, but being surrounded by fish tanks in the narrow aisles of pet stores almost brings me to tears. i've just learned never to go down these aisles--not a problem since i have no need to go down them in the first place.

2. heights. another weird one in that there's specific instances when it will kick in and it's just gotten worse with age. i'm fine in planes, roller coasters, and tall buildings. i'm fine with heights when in enclosed spaces, with the exception of the roller coaster thing (don't ask, i can't explain that one). looking over railings or out windows (open or closed) that are up high (3+ floors) scares the hell out of me. i have to stand a few feet back and/or cling to something for dear life out of irrational fear of potentially falling.

3. serious illness/doctors. this fear has basically turned me into a hypochondriac. what started years ago as being a germaphobe, has just gotten worse as i've aged. every headache could be the start of a deadly stroke. that strained muscle in my chest could be the sign of a heart attack. that time my chest hurt and i was afraid i had pneumonia or lung cancer--seasonal asthma. that lump on my neck? swollen gland.

i'm way too conscious about my body and every time something is just the teeniest out of whack i think the worst. sometimes it's almost crippling worrying about such things, but i can't stop it. once the thoughts are planted in my head, it can take days to get them down to a manageable level that doesn't interfere with my basic daily habits. i can't read/hear about anything medically related--even if it's something as outlandish as mad cow disease or flesh-eating bacteria--because i'll file away all the little symptoms for somewhere down the line when i think i've got them.

i'm terrified of doctors and the thought of being poked and prodded and whatever else they can come up with. just the thought of a needle having to be used on me turns me into crying child. i can't even visit other people in the hospital because i get light-headed, especially if i have to see an iv being messed with.